Friday, February 27, 2009

Fighting (un)Fair

Note to self: After being up all night with a teething baby, do not attempt to talk rationally to your partner at 5:00am. World War Emily vs. Anthony began at 2:00am, after Vincent had already been up crying multiple times. As I huff and buff while getting out a bed again Anthony mutters "Emily...chill out, he doesn't feel good". Ok then, why don't you, dear husband, get out of bed and do something about it? Oh that's right! Vincent is only calmed by nursing in the middle of the night, which last time I checked, can only be done by the person with boobs. So, I did, as I have every single night since his birth, get up out of bed and tend to my son.

By 5:00am, Anthony was getting ready to walk out of the door for work and I was exhausted. Not only had I been up too much during the night, I awoke to the number one unwanted visitor: My period. The cramps started instantly! if I was in the mood AT ALL, Anthony tries to grab my boob! Seriously!

It remains a blur as to who threw the first blow (figuratively speaking), but what exuded was a battle of words consisting of frustrations we have both been feeling but never saying. Name calling followed, and then of course I cried. I HATE when something like that happens. I have to learn to fight fair, take the gloves off and realize, when it comes down to it, all we have is each other, and we can't turn our backs on each other. Although a make up took place via telephone on his way to work, a fight like that leaves wounds. I have spent this day regretting things I have said, and yet trying to get over the things that were said to me. We have to remain in this together. We have to take the time and talk with one another so an explosion doesn't take place at 5:00am. The stress of trying to raise a baby can sometimes tear a couple apart. The sleepless nights, the arguments over who does what and who works harder (um...ME), can takes it's toll. We have to try to remember what this is all for, our family, and I will (try) to fight fair...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


After an exceptionally difficult day yesterday with my wild child, I sought support online, and I found it! After growing almost resentful of other moms with their "easy" babies, I realized I am so not alone. I found a support group online called "Raising the Spirited/High Needs Child". They gave 12 traits of the "high needs" child:


Vincent fits into every single one of those categories. I realized it is nothing that I am doing wrong, and I realized that I am not alone. Other moms out there grown resentful, cry from sheer exhaustion, and barely make it through the day without nearing a complete and total mental breakdown. The fact is, although everyone has their struggles when raising a baby, having a high needs baby is different, and often way more difficult. Although there is nothing I can do to change my baby, I can learn to accept it and to make the best of it through other mother's stories. The tough news to take is that most of these high needs babies never get "easier". They take these personality traits with them through the toddler years and beyond. I know I have my work cut out for me and I know I will continue to have days when life just seems to damn overwhelming. But I also know that the same characteristics that make Vinnie "difficult" now, will also be the same traits that mold him into a driven young man. As far as having another baby goes, still on the fence on that one. Vincent requires so much, and probably always will. I am trying to deal with the disappointment I feel in raising an only child, since I always imagined having two children, but I am dealing with a very unique baby - one that simply requires more energy than the average baby. Some days I feel so lonley and sad that I just want to curl up and cry, but I don't have that luxury. I have a tiny little man that is waiting for me to play peek-a-boo with him or take him for a walk, or feed him breakfast. I am so lucky to have my mom who has been a constant support system and helps out whenever she can. Everyone said the first year of raising a baby is the hardest and I am hoping that in three months, when Vincent reaches his first birthday, days will get a tad bit easier - at least in some ways. I need to let go of the anger towards the mother I see casually strolling her baby around the block, or the mother in the grocery store that have her hair styled and her make up on, or the mother who cleans the house while her baby sits contently on the floor playing with toys. I need to accept that that is simply not my life, it's not my situation. And I need to make the best of it. If I can't brush my teeth until noon some days I need to just go with it and realize it could always be worse. I have a healthy, active, beautiful baby that means more to me than anything else that has ever been on this earth. He is my sunshine, my life. And although somedays I could very well lose my mind, I wouldn't change my son for anything. His wild spirit keeps me on my toes and, frankly, sometimes makes me bust up laughing!