Thursday, July 31, 2008

Cha Cha Changes

For those of you who may have read my previous blog of pure desperation and hopelessness will be pleased to hear that things are looking up. Vincent is coming out of his colic period and has turned into the most adorable little boy EVER! Of course he cries still, but it's for a reason and I am quickly able to solve the problem, by a clean diaper, a little snack, or simply a nice warm hug from mommy. His evening bouts of screaming fits have turned into smiles, laughs and coos and finally some much needed bonding time with daddy in the evenings. Things are going so much better. Everyone that said it'll end, it'll end, it'll end...they were right. He is a perfect plump little boy who is now in the 95 percentile for his weight (over 14 pounds!) at only 11 weeks. And speaking of him being 11 weeks, that means by set return to work day would be next Wednesday, so I made my final decision to not return at this time. I look at my son's face and I become frantic just thinking about leaving him. And speaking of leaving him....that has become more difficult these days because he has decided he no longer wants to take a bottle. Who can blame him, right? But this limits any break I'd like to take to no more than two hours, if that.
I feel so close and so bonded to my baby. It is the most indescribable feeling. I look at him and still want to cry. He has already grown up so fast. Looking back at pictures of when he was first born, he doesn't even look like the same baby. In only 11 weeks he has completely transformed into a little boy, and not a newborn baby.
His sleep patterns have not changed too much. He still awakes often but I have mastered side lying breastfeeding which makes those midnight feedings so much easier (half asleep).
It's so funny how much life has changed. In such a short time. My life is hectic. I am tired. I am overworked and extremely underpaid (think $0.00). But I am in love. In a way I never thought possible. Being a mother to this precious little boy is the best job in the world. When he looks me in the eye and smiles ear to ear, that's it. I'm done. It's over. And it's only just begun.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

O' Happy Days

A few days ago I arrived home from a trip up to see my sister and her baby Lucy up in Chester, CA. It's a town where there is one stoplight and an abundance of friendly faces. 10 hours in a car with my parents and my baby had me scared, but it worked out beautifully. Baby Vincent was a peach. Either slept or smiled at Pooh the entire time, only fussing at me to pull over and feed him.

I spent 8 days basking in 85 degree weather, laying in a hammock with my son, walking to Pine Shack to gobble a brownie sundae or drink a glass of lemonade, making delicious dinners, even running through the sprinklers at a nearby park. It was perfect. I cuddled and cooed with my niece, watch her grow in just 8 days. Listened to the babies laugh, and listened to the babies cry. Chatted with my sister who I knew I missed, but it became painstakingly clear just how much.
Days were spent reminiscent of a paperback English novel, complete with large straw hats, except the woman (me, my sister and my mom) tended to have a more colorful vocabulary.
I came back refreshed. But sad. I missed my sister, I missed Lucy. I longed to watch her grow day in and day out as I do Vincent. I missed having a house full of noise, yelling, laughing, cooking, one big family, all stuffed under one roof, driving each other crazy, bitching, smiling, loving each other tens times over.

My family is the dearest thing in my life. I am one of a lucky few.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The light is shining through...

I have found the light at the end of the tunnel.
This morning my beautiful son looked me straight in the eye and smiled at me for the first time. It felt as though my heart was going to explode. And through tear blurred eyes I got to see about 9 more smiles in a row!
He is the light at the end of the tunnel. He is so worth it.