Quote of the Week

For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.

- James Baldwin

Door to Door Slam

It feels like forever since I've had the opportunity to write on my blog. In hindsight it's only been a few days, but when you rely so heavily on this as your means of expressing yourself, you can feel like you have so much bottled up you could explode!
It's been a rather uneventful few days. Vincent's sleep has been exceptionally off. One of his top teeth finally broke through, but the other one is still desperately attempting its escape and I believe it is causing insane discomfort in the middle of the night, therefore causing no one in this house to get adequate sleep. Other than that it's been business as usual.
What I really want to address with this entry has little to do with motherhood, babies, sleep or my husband. We, as mothers, are entitled to be passionate about other things besides our children. Whether it be books, writing, photography, politics; I think it's important we allow other passions and hobbies into our life to create a harmonized balance. One of my passions was brought out in me the other day and then amplified last night after watching a movie. It's a rather controversy topic, but I do not shy away from controversy, so here it goes.

GAY MARRIAGE.

Let me start out with the bible thumpers that came and knocked on my door the other day while my baby was peacefully sleeping. I have nothing against religious people, per say, but I do have a problem with people walking door to door trying to push their beliefs on other innocent bystanders. And I find it even more annoying when they happen to come bang on the door when my child is taking a nap. Even God can't protect you from the wrath of a mother whose baby is awaken by an unsolicited visitor.

Let me rewind a minute. See, one of the reasons I have chip on my shoulder about door to door bible thumpers is because when my Grandma was sick with cancer she often was home alone, probably lonely, and lived with the fear that she might die at a very young age (47). Then one day Jehovah Witnesses came to the door and took a vunerable, sick woman and talked her out of receiving proper medical care. In their religion they don't believe in medical intervention. My Grandma died shortly thereafter from not receiving the necessary medical care. Would she have died anyway, even if she did get treatment? Maybe. Probably. But these people talked her out of even giving life a fighting chance. I will forever be jaded by this.

Anyways, back to my original point.

The lady that came to my door the other day started her memorized ramble about a "fair government", one that practiced equality for all, no rich, no poor, just mankind living together as one in a fair environment. The whole "equality" thing she was preaching made me ask her how her religion felt about homosexuality, and gay marriage. Well, DUH! As shocking as you may find the hypocrisy, her religion didn't believe in gay marriage and thought homosexuality was an abomination. So let me get this straight....EQUALITY FOR ALL, or for all they feel deserve it. That's how I understood it. I quickly ended the conversation because she wasn't going to make a small dent in my beliefs.

Then last night I watched a Lifetime movie Prayers for Bobby. It is a true story about an ultra-religious mother who finds out her son is gay and subsequently disowns him and tells him if she has a gay son, then she has no son at all. Bobby, as a result of the cruel abandonment of his mother, took his own life. It was a heart wrenching tale of a mother & son and the importance of acceptance, no matter what. Luckily, although through tradegy, she realized the faults in her ways. She became an outspoken activists for gay rights. I became furious with the lady that came to my door. I became furious with all the people that voted against gay marriage. I became furious with all the people that preach to our children that they will burn in hell if they are gay. How can we do that to our children? These kids, they are taking their life over this. They are killing themselves over this!! Again, how can we do this??

I'm personally saddened by California's Yes on Prop 8 result. And I do hope that someday there truly is equality for all. But until then, we need to find it in our own hearts to accept our children, not turn on backs on them, and always remind them that there is so much to live for. TELL YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO LISTEN TO THE DOOR TO DOOR BIBLE THUMPER!!

They are ok, just the way are.

Sleep-Deprived Sally...

Vincent was up most of the night last night. So, really, seriously, that 11 hour stretch the other night was a complete and total fluke! What a little tease he is! I didn't know what was wrong with him, though. He didn't appear sick or anything and I was at a lost of what to do. He was up about every two hours and then woke up for good at 5:30am (too damn early as far as I'm concerned). I was so exhausted this morning that when I was walking through the house my legs were weak and I felt like I was floating. A sign of sleep deprivation, I think. His two top teeth are finally coming in, so I think that may be the culprit, but who knows?! I couldn't let him cry it out last night because it was apparent that something was wrong with him; he is never up that much at night. So each time he woke up crying I tried bringing him into bed and nursing him, but even that did little to ease his discomfort. I couldn't even get frustrated because I just felt so bad for him. So - that was my night. Not a good one AT ALL. Hopefully today will look up, as I am going to go out shopping with my mom. That is if Vincent allows such a thing!

Oh, and if you are confused about the title of this entry or you're wondering who the hell Sally is, let me take a moment to explain. See, it has a been a long standing Higgins family tradition to put the name Sally after everything. This is something I have proudly instilled in my husband now, too. For example, if Anthony were to have beer breath, I'd call him "Beer Breath Sally", or if I have a pimple on my face I may be called "Pimple Face Sally", or if a member of our family is eating a great deal of food, they may be dubbed "Pig Face Sally". So, me being sleep deprived this morning I gave myself the name "Sleep-Deprived Sally". You get the drift....maybe. Yes, we do love each other, we just can't look the other way when the opportunity arises to be quirky, strange and apparently insulting to one another. Now that is love. Isn't it?

How Do You Like Them Apples?

This morning, while on the way home from my parents, I had the unfortunate luck of listening to Jeff and Jeremy in the Morning on KZOZ. I was barely paying attention to the immature male bantering until I heard Jeremy make a comment about Kate Winslet doing nude scenes in her movies. He begged and pleaded with her to never do a nude scene again because her boobs were "horrible" and "disgusting". I, too, became disgusted; but not with the beautiful Kate Winslet but with the despicable Jeremy (aka Mr. FuckFace). As soon as walked in my front door, I walked straight to my computer and shot Mr. FuckFace an email:

Hi guys! This morning, while listening to your show, I heard Jeremy make a comment about Kate Winslet doing nude scenes, or the fact that he wishes she never did a single one again because those "things" are "horrible". HELLO! That woman has had two children, in which she probably breast fed both of them. I'm sure her boobs don't look like that of a 22 year old chick who has never had a baby. But that is what is so refreshing about seeing her in the roles where she does go nude....she is real. She is relateable to her audience. She hasn't fallen victim to the plastic surgery addiction that most Hollywood women have divulged in. She is happy and comfortable with her body, which should be applauded by both woman and men, NOT ridiculed. I don't get offended easily, but I have to say this comment struck a cord for 2 reasons. 1. I am a 26 year old mother. Although I have lost all my baby weight, my body does not look the same. Yes, my boobs hang a little lower and they are uneven as well. 2. I don't appreciate you insinuating that if there is a slight imperfection in your body, even after having TWO CHILDREN, you should "do something about it". Imperfections make us human, unique and beautiful. And especially for a woman who has done the most amazing thing a woman can do, have children, twice - she did not deserve your insult. I think you owe her and every woman out there an apology.

Emily Macri

I will let you know if we ever get that apology we so radically deserve....

Um....ya....

So I guess that whole sleeping through the night sleep thing was a fluke! Vincent was up twice during the night last night and he woke up for good at 5:00am this morning. As you can imagine, I am a bit tired and I wish so badly I could just go crawl into my bed, snuggle my cold little feet into the end of the sheets, and peacefully sleep for another hour or two.

A girl can dream, right??

The Baby Book

Every mother diligently fills out her child's baby book (well, at least for the first kid...). I have spent countless hours updating and maintaining Vincent's baby book so that he will have something to look back on and feel guilty over when he is a teenager and he decides he hates me. There are two pages in the back of the baby book: Letter From Mommy & Letter From Daddy. As soon as my pen hit the page the words just started flowing. I mean, if anyone is going to bring out my most loving, nurturing emotions, it will be my child, right? I filled up the whole page within minutes and I wrote as small as possible so that I would not run out of room. See, to me, this letter from mommy thing was a piece of cake. The other page, Letter From Daddy, has remained stark white for the last 11 months. This has brought about more than one argument between my husband and I. "Why can't you write a letter to your first born son? What is wrong with you?" I actually gave him a deadline - you must write your letter in three weeks or else....

Three weeks came and went and still there was nothing but the lonely lines on an empty page. Last night, I was fed up. I didn't yell. I didn't scream. I didn't make him feel like the shittest father in the world. I calmly explained why it was so important to me. You see, Anthony's father was tragically murdered when Anthony was a mere 2 years old. Needless to say, he never knew his father and I don't think he has one single memory of him alive. He has nothing but old, torn pictures to look back on. "Anthony, what if, God forbid, you were to die tomorrow? Wouldn't you want Vincent to know, in your own words, how much he meant to you? How much he changed your life for the better? How you could never describe in a million words how much you love him?" I think I finally struck a cord.

Anthony's lack of expressing his emotions with the written word in no way is to say he is not a loving person. I know that my husband would die a thousand times over for me and for Vincent. He does, however, suffer from the inability to wear his feelings/emotions on his sleeve. But the thought of him not leaving behind anything for his son to read, to feel, left him feeling rather guilty.

Late in the evening I found him at the kitchen table, with a pen in hand and the baby book wide open. I saw his thoughts reeling in his head. I didn't dare speak a word. I didn't want to disrupt his emotional breakthrough. He only wrote a little, and he said he needed to think about it more. And that's all I could have asked of him, at that very moment, when I marveled at how much he has changed over the years....how far he has come...

GOOD MORNING!

QUICK NOTE:

VINCENT SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! I got my first full nights sleep in um....if you consider waking up every hour to pee during pregnancy...1 1/2 years!!

Ah....

Blow The House Down

Today marked Vincent's 11th month of existence. I am constantly shocked and flabbergasted by how quickly this time has gone by. In so many ways, it seems like I was just in the hospital, pushing for 2 1/2 hours to no avail, and finally finally finally getting to see that little face I had so desperately been longing for all those months. Everyone always used to say to me, while I was pregnant, "the first year will go just like that" (finger snap...you get the picture). SO TRUE! Well, maybe not those agonizing months when the devil possessed by small baby and sent my emotions through the meat grinder, leaving nothing but uncontrollable sobs and swollen, puffy eyes. Ok, so it was colic, but I think the other version better describes my life for three months. Ya, those months probably didn't go by "just like that" (finger snap).

I officially booked Vincent's birthday party location and ordered the invites. I am a master of procrastination so I'm actually quite pleased that I am ordering my invitations and booking the lo-cal a whole month before the party! Normally one of the more responsible women of my family, such as my ultra-prepared, uber-organized sister or my just plain neurotic mother would have had zero faith in my ability to plan anything effectively and would have taken over by now. I'm not offended by their lack of faith; I'm actually relieved they know me well enough to know I just won't do some things and are always there to pick up the pieces.

My mother-in-law took Vincent for about 2 hours today, as she does everyday Tuesday. Anthony always manages to say something stupid like "oh, that'll be nice for you". "Yes, honey, it will be nice. I can now have 2 hours to pick up your dirty socks, wash your stanky boxers and prepare you a home cooked meal without the squealing interruptions of your son." He so does not get it. It's not like I take 2 hours to sit on my ass and read a book, like I've been craving to do. I'm doing shit around the house. The clothes and dishes don't wash themselves. Shocking, right?

The weather SUCKED today. I don't know how fast the wind was blowing, but it was blowing hard enough to rip my fence out of its cement retaining wall and hard enough for me to worry that when I stepped out of the shower I may be looking out the window to find that my house was swirling around the sky trying to determine where to land. Then, of course, I'd come across some faux-tan-gone-WAY-wrong little people and they would sing and dance for me....and...ya....you see where I'm going with this analogy. Point is, the wind was blowing so fucking hard that my electricity went out for hours and I was climbing the walls with a severe case of cabin fever. My technology withdrawals were like nothing I had experienced before. I couldn't believe how consumed my life had become with these things that people used to completely live without. I was deeply ashamed when the power finally came back on and I was about as happy as a kid on Christmas morning. I literally ran through the house with my hands up in the air, yelling "HALLELUJAH!! PRAISE JESUS!! MARY MOTHER OF JOSEPH!!"

I can't bag on my husband too much tonight. See, with the weather being so crazy and the wind howling so loudly that I'm even a little scared, the cats are starting to act, well, petrified. If it were up to me they'd just cuddle up in bed right next to me tonight, but Anthony does not want the cats in the house at night. So, the hardass he is, grabbed them both and put them in the garage for the night. He seemed to have been gone for a long time so I peaked out there to find him gently settling them into fluffy pillows and blankets and giving them each equal amounts of pets and affection. I smiled and walked away before he could see me. That's the man I fell in love with. The closet softy.

Oh P.S...Have you happened to try the Double Stuf Peanut Butter oreos??!! Let me say again...HOLY MARY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE....WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY ENTIRE LIFE??

Photo of the Day

My mom, being the avid garage sale enthusiast she is, picked up a toy recently for both the babies. At first glance it looked like a great toy! All shiny and attention-grabbing - the kids would LOVE it!! Then, as we looked closer and thought more clearly, we began to question it....

As far as I can tell, all this puzzle is doing is teaching the kids how to....um...open a window and jump out, unlock the front door for strangers, and open the gate to roam free. Why in God's given name would you want your child to learn how to unlock every latch & lock??

My only conclusion is that Melissa and Doug have never had children...

Lush

It is nearing 8:00pm and I am already holed up in my bedroom, comfortably nuzzled in between my sheets. It has been one hell of a weekend, full of excitement, full of family, and of course as usual, full of super good food. Every time my sister and her husband visit I can very well guarantee to put on at least a couple of pounds. They are two of the most amazing cooks I know and every meal they prepare is prepared with diligence and an abundance of love. You can taste the sincerity in their meals and it makes your tummy warm before you even take a bite.

The babies had their first official Easter egg hunt and just as I had originally presumed, we simply threw eggs about the lawn and then willingly stumbled around to grab them. It was completely simple and yet incredibly enjoyable to witness and be a part of. Those two little babies have grown tremendously in such a short amount of time - I can't hardly stand it! Lucy is beginning to walk more steady and with much more confidence. Her face just lights up with accomplishment when she steps her tiny little feet across the living room only to fall happily into your welcoming lap.

Vincent's impending first birthday has me thinking about boobs - mine that is. I always assumed I would breastfeed Vincent for the first year, as recommended, and then POOF we'd just stop. Now that 12 months of breastfeeding is right around the corner, I see no "poofing" happening anytime soon. Vincent is a boob man. Always has been. When he was 6 weeks old he defiantly pushed away any one's attempt at bottle feeding him and would cry out in agony until he got his fill from the real deal. I have yet to keep an accurate record, but if I were to have to guess how often Vincent breastfeeds I would estimate about 6-7 "nursies" (as we call them) a day and probably one or two at night. Nowhere near a slight wean is what I am getting at. How do I stop him from his strong suckling desire. I know for a fact that most of his nursies are for comfort and comfort only, not for food. He is a good eater when it comes to solids and can actually shovel in more than I could probably consume in one feeding. So although I know breastmilk is still good for them nutritionally, I don't believe Vincent needs to be breastfeeding as much as he does. I vow to begin my weening process at 12 months. I know I will need to work on this slowly, but I also know it will be HELL in this house during our weening process. I'm sure you will hear all about it when the time comes.

Seeing as it is Easter, I want to keep this post both positive and inspirational. So, as I leave you tonight to snuggle up with my husband, eat my Good & Plenty's and watch E! I wish you all a Happy Easter & a wonderful week ahead.

There is still much I'd like to bitch about, like the nagging cough I have that is keeping me up at night and the cough syrup my mother-in-law gave me this evening that apparently contained codeine and has me feeling high and lushed out, and the fact that my husband is pouring money into a motorcycle we never get to ride, and that I have $2000.00 in dental bills sitting on my table that I can't pay. But, like I said, positive and inspirational, positive and inspirational, positive and inspirational....